Loves Me, Loves Me Not
by heatherlynn13
Summary: Maerad finally admits to herself that she loves cadvan but still cant bring herself to tell him. its set after the singing but im pretending that i havnt read it yet so its my own version of events so ther are no spoilers


_ive edited this chapter so hopefully its better and clears up any confusion! thanks to kiaga, laramie, and pellinor fanatic for reviewing and helping me find my mistakes _=)

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Maerad woke up to find herself in a dimly lit room filled with beds. She ran through her memories over the last few days and tried to figure out where she was and why she was there. The last thing she remembered was Cadvan's face and then an all consuming blackness. And, now that she thought about it, a terrible headache. If she was still in Lirigon than she was probably in the Healing House, if she wasn't, well with Enkir still out there, she didn't really want to think of the other possibilities.

"So, you're finally awake." Maerad jumped and, all her senses on high alert, turned to see Farrin. She immediately relaxed as she recognized the minor healer of Lirigon. "How does your head feel?" continued Farrin, apparently not noticing her surprise.

"It hurts. What happened?" replied Maerad.

"You have a minor concussion. You were practicing your swordplay with Marea whenever you missed a block and she hit you in the head. It's a good thing you two weren't using real swords. If she had been, you probably wouldn't be lying here right now," explained Farrin as he poured some dark brown liquid into a bottle, "Do you remember any of that?"

Actually, she did remember, but she wasn't about to admit to Farrin that the reason she had missed blocking Marea during their intense mock battle was because she had been thinking about Cadvan. Even now she could picture his intense blue eyes standing out against his sharp, handsome features and his fulminate, brilliant smile that she had only seen on the rare occasion when the fountain of joy inside him suddenly bubbled over.

"Maerad, are you okay?"

Maerad was suddenly brought back to earth as she heard Farrin's inquisition.

"Oh yes, sorry. Yes I do remember. At least I remember practicing with Marea and then everything going black. I feel better now though," she replied as she made motions to get up. "Am I allowed to leave?"

"Yes I think you'll be alright. Just make sure to drink this before you go to sleep tonight and if you start to feel bad come tell me or another healer," he said as he handed her the bottle of dark brown liquid.

"Okay, I will. Thank you."

Maerad quickly snatched the bottle and hurried out of the Healing House, following the spiral staircase down until she reached the door that lead to the streets of Lirigon. She opened the door and found herself on a small road in the middle of the School. The sun was setting, painting the dark building a deep red with its final light before the darkness of night descended. Maerad turned toward the Bardhouse where she and Cadvan had been staying for the last 3 weeks and tried to organize her confused thoughts about her dearest friend.

Ever since Maerad had been able to admit to herself that she was in love with Cadvan, he was all she had been able to think about. She was constantly distracted and could barley focus on her lessons. This latest incident had been preceded by a series of mishaps that had been caused by her torn emotions.

Maerad longed to tell Cadvan of her feelings, but what if he didn't share them. It could ruin their friendship and she couldn't bear to lose him. Cadvan had once told her that love was never wrong. It may be disastrous ; it may never be possible; it may be the deepest agony, but it was never wrong. Maerad couldn't take the risk of losing her best friend and maybe, just this once, her love was all of these things. And, even if it wasn't wrong, it could cause everything in her life to go wrong. Most of all, though she was loathe to admit it, she was just plain scared to vocalize those feelings. It had been hard enough to admit to herself that she loved Cadvan and telling him would be even more difficult.

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_Please review if you havnt so that i can make my story better!!! ill update as soon as i can  
-heather ;P_


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